Dear Heart, I Hate You Page 14

  I watched as he moved his attention to my knit shorts, his fingers working the elastic from my hips. I scooted from side to side as he pulled them over my hips, and when he slid them down my legs, he left a trail of kisses behind.

  Another moan came from him when he saw my black lace panties. His body settled on top of mine before he reached for my underwear, his fingertips brushing a light trail down my stomach first. After moving the material to one side, he slid his fingers in, touching and toying with my most private area, exploring it like it was a treasure map.

  I waited for him to make some comment the way men normally tended to, but was relieved at his silence. His fingers inched closer toward my sex, and when he pushed one inside me, I sucked in a small breath as my body accepted it with ease. I moaned with the pleasure it incited in me, and he worked it slowly in and out before another finger. My back arched at the sensation, and he kissed my neck.

  Reaching in the tight space between the mattress and my back, he tugged my tank top over my head. He stared at my bare breasts for only a moment before settling his mouth around one nipple, sucking it between his perfect lips. He worshiped my breasts, his mouth moving back and forth between them in equal pleasurable measure, licking, sucking, and nibbling. I clutched at his back, hitting the top of his sweatpants, and I fumbled with the snug waistband. Not wanting to stop what we were doing for even a second, I used my toes to grip at his pants and tugged them down.

  Cal wriggled them off and kicked them to the floor, and rather than touching me right away, focused on my reaction to seeing him without pants for the first time. His penis stood erect behind his boxer briefs, twitching as if begging me to set it free. It looked beastly beneath the material, like a wild animal trying to escape its cage. I wanted to keep it trapped for a moment longer, but I also wanted to give it a personal hello. I gripped around its girth through the material and moved up and down gently, trying not to hurt him.

  He moaned, closing his eyes as his mouth dropped open, and I leaned in, my mouth claiming his. I was addicted to that mouth, obsessed with those lips. I couldn’t breathe without them; they were my everything.

  Cal grabbed me and tossed me back on the bed, both of us wearing nothing but our underwear. His dick hit my thigh and I lifted my hips, trying to grind on him, liking the way it felt against me, even with fabric between us.

  “Don’t move like that or you’ll end it before we begin,” he warned.

  I bit my bottom lip in anticipation. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” I said, practically begging.

  “You sure?”

  “Cal—” I moved my hips against him. “Yes.”

  “Fuck.” He reached for the floor where he opened his wallet to pull out a condom as I removed the last piece of clothing from my body.

  Cal did the same. “Tell me you brought more than just one?” I tried to sound playful, but the moment was too intense. Too many emotions hung in the air around us, clinging to our bodies like the sweat we’d built up in anticipation of what was to come.

  “I have more. I just wasn’t sure you would want to.” He stopped before admitting, “I hoped you would, but I didn’t want to presume.” He rolled the condom onto his length before focusing his attention on me. “You okay?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  He settled his body over mine, pressing only the tip of himself against me. When I spread my legs wider, inviting him in, he pushed in gently, only a little bit before stopping.

  “Damn, Jules.”

  “Are you all right?” I was nearly panting with anticipation, trying to maintain my composure when all I wanted to do was grind my hips against his length and take him all the way inside me.

  “I’m not even all the way in and you already feel like home,” he said, his breathing sounding pained.

  His admission made my heart swell inside my chest until it felt like it might burst, but I said nothing, not wanting to ruin the moment.

  Cal inched himself inside me until he could go no further, then began that ancient rhythmic motion. As he slid in and out of me, the feel of it—of him—was incredible almost to the point of overwhelming. Neither too large nor too small, he fit as if he was made for me.

  My hips moved in rhythm with his, meeting his thrusts in perfect counterpoint. I arched my back slightly, which made him hit a different angle inside me, and I never wanted him to stop.

  “You feel amazing,” I said on a gasp. “God, you feel so good inside me.”

  Leaning down, he pressed his lips against mine in the sweetest, softest kiss. Our mouths seemed to move in the same rhythm as our bodies, the movements slow, sensual, achingly beautiful. Our foreheads touched, and we shared the same air.

  “I’m close,” he said against my lips.

  I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him deeper inside me. “I’m there,” I breathed out just before my body reacted, trembling against him as he held me even tighter. He finished soon after me as the waves of my orgasm continued to roll through me. We lay there for a few moments, breathing hard, and I refused to move, even after I came down from that high.

  Eventually, Cal pulled out of me slowly, leaving me feeling empty and cold. He stood up from the bed in all his naked glory, and I watched as he disappeared into the bathroom before returning with a lazy smile on his face. He crawled back into bed and lay on his back, then pulled me against him. My head rested on his chest again as his wildly beating heart pounded in my ear.

  “That was . . .” He paused, pressing his lips against my forehead. “I don’t even know the right word to say.”

  I had been thinking the same thing. It wasn’t just incredible, or hot, it had been so much more than that. Words didn’t seem to do it justice.

  “It was something, all right.”

  “Good something, right?” he asked, obviously fishing.

  “It was more than good, Cal. It was epic.”

  “Epic,” he repeated.

  This had been exactly why I knew I couldn’t sleep with him that weekend in Boston. If the sex would have been anywhere close to what we just experienced, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. There was no way that I could experience something that intimate and then leave him forever.

  Yes, we’d stayed in touch since my trip to Boston, but I didn’t know that would happen at the time. I had no idea I’d ever see him again, let alone spend my evenings talking to him. Now that it was done, I was so happy for the way things had turned out between us, that we’d waited until now.

  “What are you thinking?” he whispered as he stroked his fingers through my hair.

  I laughed into his chest. “I was just thinking how glad I was that we didn’t do that in Boston.”

  His stomach muscles tightened as he leaned upward slightly. “Why’s that?”

  “Because I wouldn’t have survived it. That would have wrecked me for all other men,” I said, half teasing, half serious.

  “Have I still wrecked you for other men, Jules?”

  “Yes, Cal, you’ve ruined me for all others. But I’m prepared for it now. I wasn’t ready for you last time.”

  Actually, that wasn’t quite true. I wasn’t completely honest when I said I’d been prepared—nothing could have prepared me for that. I hadn’t had sex in a very long time, and what we just did was so much more than sex.

  Cal had been inside me, a part of me, joined with me on a primal level that was as emotional as it was physical, and I already felt more connected to him than I was two hours ago. Sex brought people closer. At least, I’d always felt that it should. Being intimate on that level should bring you together, not tear you apart.

  Knowing my feelings on the subject had been the exact reason why I hadn’t slept with him in Boston. But to be honest, I was no better off now. He’d still leave in two days, and I was hopelessly addicted to him.

  Cal stayed silent after my admission, the only sound his heart pounding beneath my ear. I was almost asleep when he finally whispered, “You might have ruined me
too.”

  It was so soft, I wasn’t sure he’d meant for me to hear it or not, so I remained still and pretended to be asleep.

  Malibu Days

  Cal

  I’d fantasized about being with Jules in more ways than I cared to admit during our time apart, but nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the real thing. Her body was made for mine. She curved around me, bending and moving in ways I’d only dreamed about before now. And when she told me I’d ruined her for all other men, I didn’t care if she was only saying it to placate me or my ego.

  I needed to hear it. It was only fair that she be ruined if I was.

  No matter what happened between us after this weekend, I wasn’t sure I’d ever experience anything like that with another female as long as I lived. Don’t get me wrong, sex almost always felt incredible to a guy, but there were times that it was simply . . . something more. Better somehow, more intense, more emotional. This was definitely one of those times.

  I’d promised myself on the flight that I’d try to keep a level head, but one look at Jules waiting for me outside the airport and all levelheadedness flew out the damn window. I couldn’t keep my head on straight when it came to her. Long-distance Jules was one thing. In person, she was a different beast altogether. I had even less self-control when she was in the same room as I was. My hands proved to me time and time again that they had a mind of their own.

  I had no idea how I’d survive this weekend, but I resigned myself to having a good time and not reading anything else into it. Whatever this was between us, I wasn’t going to try to label it or categorize it, because that wasn’t realistic when it came to us. We still lived on opposite coasts, loved our jobs, and were determined to get ahead in them. Those were our priorities, and when this weekend ended, they still would be. This was supposed to be fun; nothing more.

  When I opened my eyes the next morning, Jules’s head was still on my chest. Our bodies had become hopelessly intertwined during the night, her leg draped around mine, my arm under her back, holding her tight. Her long blond hair was splayed over my body, and I instinctively moved to touch it. Everything about my reactions to Jules was instinctual. I did things before I even had the chance to think about them.

  God, she was beautiful. Still naked, the sheet covering only parts of her soft skin, she looked like a painting. No wonder my head was such a mess when it came to her. Her beauty rivaled her brain; she was a double threat.

  I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to wake her, but I had to take a leak. When I pulled my arm carefully from under her, she stirred and turned her head slowly to face me, those green eyes as gorgeous as ever.

  “Morning,” she said as she stretched her arms over her head and mewed.

  “Morning.” I bent down to kiss her forehead. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I need to go to the bathroom.”

  “It’s okay.”

  She smiled as I pushed out of the bed, still naked and sporting some serious morning wood. When her gaze dropped to my groin and stayed there, I had to stop myself from making a smartass remark as I walked into her oversized bathroom. The thing was truly over the top, large enough to house a small family. Of people, not pets.

  “Jules?” I shouted from the bathroom, not sure why my question couldn’t wait.

  “Yeah,” she called out, her voice still groggy.

  “How big is this place?”

  “Almost eighteen hundred square feet. Why?”

  “Cause it’s huge,” I said before walking back into the room. It was way too much space for one person, and even though Jules had it decorated comfortably, she couldn’t use all this space.

  “This was the smallest apartment,” she said, still raising her voice. “The others are all over two thousand.”

  Jules hadn’t moved from where I’d left her. Not really. She was still spread out facedown on the mattress, the white sheet only partly covering her naked body.

  I wanted her, needed her. And if I thought I’d been drawn to her before last night, it was definitely stronger now. I never really equated sex with making you feel closer to someone before. It was just something people did, an act that didn’t always require thought. A need to be filled, a thirst to be quenched. I suddenly felt like I’d been doing it wrong my whole life.

  I eased myself onto the mattress, covering the back of her body with the front of mine as I leaned down, trying not to crush her. Kissing her exposed back, I swept her hair off to the side before kissing her neck and her shoulder. She tried to turn to face me, but she couldn’t. I pushed up, giving her enough space to turn over before I lowered myself on top of her once more and took what I was slowly becoming addicted to. Her body.

  We showered together afterward, taking turns washing each other and becoming orally acquainted. I briefly considered packing my bags and moving into this shower forever as I looked down and saw Jules on her knees, her head bobbing up and down. It was one of those images you hoped stayed with you until the day you died.

  “We slept late,” she said as she wrapped herself in a towel and tossed one at me. “How about we skip breakfast and do lunch?”

  Reaching for her, I pulled her close, unable to get enough of her. I molded my lips to hers, loving the way she tasted, the feel of her warm tongue on mine.

  “Not at all. Lunch sounds good.” Food was food. I didn’t care what meal we were eating, as long as we were eating something.

  “Good. We’ll go to Moonshadows then.” She kissed my cheek. “The place I told you about last night.”

  “Sounds great.”

  • • •

  I had no idea what to expect of Malibu. Getting in late last night meant that I hadn’t even really seen the area at all. The highway was dark, the houses were dark, the ocean was dark. I’d seen a lot of blackness as we drove. My expectation of Malibu was that it would be pretentious, a super-rich area in Southern California filled with the type of people you saw on those awful reality TV shows. And Baywatch.

  Jules changed into jeans and a pretty top, nothing too fancy, and I took my cue from her as I dressed in jeans as well and a casual button-down. As we drove along the Pacific Coast Highway, I was blown away. Malibu was stunning, the way the road seemed to follow the coastline, dipping and curving with it, the ocean as blue as the sky. And the glimpses of mansions you could see from the road were nothing short of impressive.

  “You sell any of these properties?” I gave a nod toward the passenger window as I squeezed her thigh. My hand always seemed to settle there.

  “Not yet. Most of those have been owned by the same people for years. A lot of them buy those houses or the land, and they don’t sell.”

  “I wouldn’t either,” I said as we passed a giant wooden gate that looked like something straight out of a movie.

  “The funny thing is, the owners don’t even live here full-time. The majority of those houses are rarely occupied.”

  I nodded, completely understanding. We had areas like that in Massachusetts, like Nantucket and the Cape, and of course, New York had the Hamptons. It was the same idea, and it all boiled down to people who had too much money to burn.

  “I’d like to think that if I owned one of those places, I’d live there and enjoy it.”

  “I know. But most of them are in the entertainment industry, and it’s easier to live closer to the studios. Malibu is beautiful, but it really is sort of a pain in the ass to get anywhere from here,” she said with a small shrug.

  “Yet you still live here.”

  “But I work here too. I don’t ever have to leave.”

  “Touché,” I said as Jules turned off the road. The building she pulled up in front of looked older than Jules and me combined.

  She traded her car keys for a tag with the valet, then took my hand and led me to a wooden wall at the edge of the small parking lot. I looked down, surprised to see waves crashing against the rocks below us.

  “Wow. This really is right on the water.”

  “I know. It�
��s so cool.” She smiled, making me smile in return before I pressed my lips against hers softly, not wanting to ruin her lipstick or get the shit all over me.

  We walked around a small garden with a statue of Buddha and entered the front door. The lobby area was dark, even during this time of day. Jules said something to the hostess and we were led to a huge outdoor eating area with various seating options.

  I glanced around at the other patrons, noting they all seemed laid-back, not dressed to impress. The majority were in casual clothes and baseball caps. Apparently they weren’t pretentious like I’d imagined. I wasn’t sure why it surprised me, but it did.

  Jules chose a small table for two closest to the water and near the fire pit, which had been turned on, even though the air outside wasn’t chilly, in my opinion. Maybe this was considered cold for California.

  “Your waiter will be right with you,” the hostess said before placing two menus on our table and walking away.

  “What do you think?” Jules asked as we sat.

  I looked out at the ocean, the birds diving into the waves and disappearing before resurfacing. “It’s really pretty. And way more casual than I expected.”

  “Welcome to Malibu.” She waved her arm as the waiter walked up.

  “Welcome to Moonshadows. Can I get you started with something to drink?” He looked between the two of us.

  “I’m good with water for now, thanks,” I said, not wanting to drink yet.

  Jules gave him a small smile. “I’ll take an iced tea and a water.”

  When we were alone again, Jules continued. “It’s definitely more laid-back than other places, which is why I love it so much. I hate snobby people. You know, the kind who throw their money in your face and want you to know how rich they are? It’s obnoxious. Malibu isn’t like that, for the most part. The guy dressed in a ripped T-shirt and worn-out Vans could be a freaking billionaire, and probably is, but you’d never know it.”